March First

My weight loss journey is not going as awesome as I wish it was. It is very difficult. I still try to focus on it being about being healthy and that the trend is going downward, but losing weight fast is so much more fun and you get a bit of a rush as people notice the changes. No one has noticed anything yet...and its been ten pounds. So, it is forcing me to lose responsibly and not just to be noticed. At home on my scale today, I was the lowest I've been yet. I'm really hoping that if I can keep on track this week that I can get below 180 by Tuesday. Again, it feels so difficult right now. but, good news, I slept through the entire night for the first time in years! I am so thankful for that. It was so weird to be awake at noon and not feel like total garbage.

rallying

The week after the snow day weigh-in I was down another 3.2 lbs for a total loss of 6.4 lbs! not bad for 3 weeks :)


Then, the next week, I was showing NO loss :( I was sooo disappointed, but realized that I HAD to rally and stick with it or I would be wasting this opportunity of losing for free on the plan. So I did. I upped my water intake. Made sure I was eating Greek yogurt every day and drinking milk when I needed a little boost. I also tried to have milk instead of cream in my coffees and even drank black coffee a few times. On Wednesday (I weigh in on Tuesdays) I was SOOOO hungry and I thought, I bet the weight is falling off me today! and i weighed myself at home and I was 5 pounds lighter than I had been at the meeting!! So I kept up my motivation for the rest of the week, including the weekend ;)

And so, my hard work paid off and I had a very successful weigh in today: Current Weight: 183 lbs. Total Loss: -10.4. Goal: 155 lbs. 28 lbs to go! Reached 5% LOST Goal today!

So I have lost 1/4 of what I hope to lose so I have 3/4 to go! It is nice to think that 10 lbs is gone FOREVER!

I have had a hard time this time around feeling excited. I get excited when I actually write it down, but I don't really feel like losing 10 lbs is that great since I was at 188 a few months ago, I went down to 183 lbs but then I went up instead of continuing down. I guess I feel like I haven't even started from where I left off, like really I've only lost 5 lbs. But I guess, even 5 lbs is good, when its REALLY gone ;) not just a fluctuation in the day. I don't want to lose momentum, so I'm doing alot of positive self-talk like: 10 POUNDS are gone! TEN! That's really great! Your clothes will be looser soon (although I'm still wearing yoga pants and maternity panel pants because of my hernias)! You are loving eating so healthfully and can still have tasty snacks or treats here and there but mostly, you just feel healthy!

Anyway, thats how my brain works :) so I'm happy to have reached my first goal of 5% loss, plus a 10 lb loss, and now i'm working on my 10% loss goal of 19 lbs. Maybe by the end of February?

snow days

My second weigh-in was pre-empted by a snow day! I was disappointed as I was really looking forward to seeing how my week went, as per the scale. I started to feel a bit down about it and then thought, "No, I've GOT to rally and keep my efforts up! I've only got 3 months free and THIS IS IT! I'm gonna do it!"

So, I kept on track, for the most part. I think I had a few cookies that weren't quite on plan, but other than that, I have been making good choices and eating within my points.

I was starting to feel that I was overdoing it as far as stepping on my home scale, so I really tried to cut back. Then after missing the meeting this week, I noticed some changes in how I've been looking so I decided I'd let myself weigh-in at home and I was very happy by the results. I went to my Wii to weigh-in there and celebrated with the kids telling them that I've been making healthy choices lately and its working to help me get to where I should be (they always come running when they hear the Wii Fit music start up).

I am really liking this new program, I definitely find myself going to get more fruit or a carrot when I feel a little munchy. There is a meeting tomorrow night that I am going to try to attend (unless it gets snowed out too), so hopefully I'll have my official results from week 2 soon!

The kids went to school today for the first time all week but it was a hassle especially bringing the baby into the -11 weather and wind! Poor boy :( He also has an ear infection so I brought him to the doc for a prescription this morning too. Silly kid was screaming from pain last night, and now he seems to like that sound and is just doing it for attention! gotta go

one last hurrah

I rejoined Weight Watchers to take advantage of being a lifetime Member since 2005 and using 3 months free to drop my baby weight.

After joining last Thursday evening, I was a little disheartened because I could only stay for 15 minutes of the meeting and I was really hoping for a little "rah-rah" to pump me up for the week ahead. I set my mind to it, that I would just do a great job and give it a good go.  Day 1 I over ate by 35 points and then the next day, I over ate by 18 points, then I managed to get things under control for the next few days.

At the meeting this morning (I decided I could only make this work for me if I switched to a morning meeting), I had lost 3.2 lbs! I was honestly expecting it to be twice that as the first week is usually pretty high for me, but it hasn't even been a week so whatever, I'm still very happy with that amount (obviously! down is down.).

Anyway, I hope to be able to have great success this time around. The program has changed again but I believe its a good plan and the things I've noticed are that they are encouraging you to eat a reasonable but unlimited amount of fruit and vegs and putting the focus on making healthy choices rather than just going for the lowest calories. They are moving away from calories and now include carbohydrates and protein, along with fat and fiber in their new calculations (which mean my free "point count" app is no good anymore).

I have had a few challenges already with the new plan because they want you to use their e-tools website, which would include an iPhone app, but since I'm a Lifetime member (which means I don't pay), its a bit tricky. I'm waiting to hear back from them to see if I can get the program free for 3 months (as I'm entitled to).

i had a great labour & delivery!

you can read the details here if you are interested :)


http://thesalmons.blogspot.com/2011/07/bennetts-birth-story.html

pain in the horizon

well, its happened. its about to happen again. I am pregnant. My fourth time being pregnant. and Labour and Delivery are coming up very soon.

With all my struggles with weight, I began this pregnancy after going to the gym or exercising from about March to October. One week after finding out I was pregnant, I re-herniated my bellybutton, while using a body ball, lying on my stomach on it...GRRRR I was very very disappointed. It was quite painful and I stopped exercising then and have pretty much had a very low-exercise pregnancy. I was very sick during the first several months of this pregnancy. Finally, with maybe, ten or 8 weeks left, I started to feel better. To feel good. I have a big baby belly, but I had a positive mind and bursts of energy. I think the clear mind was really what did me good and continues to give me energy to enjoy my family and the last time being pregnant.

As far as the weight gain has gone, its been amazing. I lost 5 lbs having the flu early on in the pregnancy, and have since only gained 19 lbs from my start weight (which was very high for me), with only 4 to 5 weeks left in this pregnancy! I am really thankful about that.

I'm starting to get a little scared about labour now. It could happen "anytime" but the last 2 pregnancies have continued well past the due date, so I have to prepare myself that that will happen again.

My main thought lately is that I HAVE to avoid oxytocin at all costs. My last labour was so painful and rushed and I had serious neck and back pain that needed actual physio and chiropractic work for months after. So again, I am hoping to stay off of the IV, stay off of the bed, keep moving around as much as possible, and let this baby come when ready.

I get my Group B Strep test done on Monday, so that will let me know if I need antibiotics. I also have some fears about going "late" in the pregnancy, because I think every baby I've had has had meconium in the amniotic fluid. This can be caused by a particular stressful day on the baby, or because I deliver so late. But why would my body not evict the baby if it was the right time? Then they have to ingest some of this dirty fluid which leads to some of the respiratory and lung issues all of my kids have had...? it makes me sad that my body doesn't keep things more scheduled or healthy but I have no choice! There could be meconium in there now, with 4 or 5 weeks left! And obviously nothing I can do about that!

I am also very thankful for taking the time to go to the gym before getting pregnant. I think it is for that reason that my belly is not protruding quite as far out from my body as the last 2 pregnancies. It seems to be more contained, and I can actually flex my lower abs to bring my belly up a little. Hopefully that will help this labour to progress better as the baby seems to be in a better position, over my cervix rather than right outside my body like the last 2!

Its pretty crazy/interesting to have had 4 pregnancies and now to be heading to my fourth delivery! I jest and say that I've been through so many different scenarios that this time I wouldn't be surprised if I had a C-section! Of course, I don't actually want one, and that's also part of why I want to be wiser this time:

Don't put so much work into "getting labour going" by walking and exhausting myself.
Rest. Sleep if I can.
Stay away from the hospital until I'm actually in labour. The last 2 times, I had induction appointments set, but by trying to make labour happen, I wore myself out and they admitted me early. I really don't want to do that again.

I keep thinking of my first labour. I was at home. Got sick. Got a bad contraction that made me yelp and cry it was so painful. Then, after a bit of that, went into the hospital. I was only 2 days overdue. The nurse broke my water (without my, or my Doc's permission which is apparently a "no-no") and it did send me into proper labour, where I delivered 8 hours later. I had only the gas and Demerol (which they don't give anymore) which is considered to be a "drug-free" labour because neither of those things actually helped relieve pain for me. And she was posterior, sunny-side up.

So that is giving me some confidence that I can have a "natural" labour, without chemical induction. I just need to stay strong. Stay positive. And get some more rest!! I have 3 little kids! ;D

creativity and reality

i am a very creative person.

i need to keep so many things bottled up because i dont have the time or energy to do some things.

i know that this natural creative gifting or innate creativity is part of being made in God's image. its quite an honour to be given thoughts and passions and knowing that there is a pure form or a pure outlet to share them.

i believe that when my creativity is able to seep out into my life, then a good party is thrown, or a nicely crafted item will be made, or a cake is beautifully decorated, a plate of ordinary dinner is presented in a way to make it look most appealing, or i take the time to make myself look like a work of art.

its been so great to be able to be present with the children and to be silly or read them a fantastically narrated story or experience life. this is the life i wanted to live. i didnt have a plan, it was more a sense.

i absolutely delight in watching my daughter make a big plan, with so many small details, of how she wants to share activities and God with her friends. i wish it wasnt difficult to get a clean house ready to host her ideas...i dont want to let her plans die. they are special to her and they are delightful to watch. she is such a caring, inclusive, detailed girl.

Thank you God for such an amazing experience of raising children to know you. what an honour. what a journey back to innocence.